Dear Readers,
Thank you for reading these words. This is my very first blogpost and I have been hesitating for quite some time, to begin writing out of fear. I needed to gather the courage to write, thinking at first that due to the enormous amount of content on the Internet, my voice would not matter. It well may be that for some it won't matter indeed, but hopefully there will be a few who will find my posts comforting, it will resonate with you or spark some interesting debates. I am hopeful regardless that this will be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
Let me introduce briefly myself by saying that I am a woman, -a proud one- coming from a long line of strong women. I was born in Hungary and spent a significant amount of time studying and working abroad. I grew up in a small village dreaming about moving far away. I always wanted to impress family and friends with how perfect I was. Despite my attempts to parade around as the perfect child, I was perceived at home as a difficult, hysterical troublemaker and as a loudmouth, opinionated girl in school. Maybe I was lucky to shed the perfect girl facade for outsiders, but inside I was dying for acceptance and a sense of belonging.
It's such a shame that there were no other names for girls like me with big personalities. But I cannot complain in its entirety because I was given space to express myself, to become the ringleader who organises school functions, negotiates with the teachers for less homework and comes up with funny game ideas. Coming from a low income, single parent family and having an ethnic minority background with a severe need to belong, my whole life I had to do everything twice as hard, become twice as good and had to be twice as dedicated. And boy, did I have big plans for my career. In fact, I daresay, I even had the necessary courage to start conquering the world, just like every twenty-something-year-old wants to do. When those plans fell apart, I dreamed of a platform to share all the things I cannot change and have no power over yet affect me. Then, I also had to face a new reality in which I could no longer identify with my job. Have you ever had that? Giving all you got in a job that quickly turned into everything, and then even quicker ...into nothing. While I don't wish this fate upon anyone, those who share similar stories know that after -what an individual considers -the right amount of time for mourning, it turns out I am still me. And that capital "Me" has views, and Facebook just won't suffice.
It is kind of intimidating to read and listen to all those loud noises on the internet. I envy the bravery, and sometimes the entitlement -often feel it with men- to just say and write whatever. I am always so critical with what I write, especially because I might lack the so-called expert factor. I am not a lawyer who can analyse significant judgements, or statutes that affect people; nor am I a reporter to discuss current affairs; nor a novelist who creates a unique world in which the like-minded can disappear into. And I don't want to be an influencer, or even worse, a person who spreads fake news. While I am not entirely sure what direction this blog will eventually take, I aspire to present well-researched topics and encourage you to apply critical thinking by offering different angles, recommendations and solutions when and where I can. Also, it is not a feminist blog, but no doubt I will draw from my life experiences, and being a Roma woman I will not be kind to the patriarchy. So, enough contemplating and procrastinating, and let the action begin.
Here, then, is to courage for all the plans, projects and aspirations any of us has. The new year is all about new beginnings and nothing is too small if it matters to you. I know this "new year, new beginning" sentiment is a cliché, but it is also comforting to know that if we have the courage and determination, we can develop new skills, and start new projects. And in this crazy, confusing world, looking for comfort of any kind is a must. Some say that hope is the ultimate feeling and while I wouldn't dare to make an attempt to debunk such a long standing theory, it can be argued that hope is fundamentally a passive feeling that lacks action, and for action we sometimes need a bit of courage. So hope and courage waltz hand in hand into the new year, to start something great. And those who share the sentiment that in recent years politics had made a mockery out of serving the public by threatening democracy, the environment and basic human rights left, right and centre, know only too well that courage and hope will help in navigating everyday life and standing up for those who otherwise can’t stand for themselves. In a world of Trump and Orban supporters we need courage more than ever. On that note, here I am starting something new.
I wish you all a courageous time ahead.
Yours Sincerely,
BB
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